2022: A Yearly Examen
Every year since 2016, I’ve been doing a Yearly Examen.
The Examen is part of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises wherein we reflect on the day we had. Below is a guide from Philip Kosloski:
After placing yourself in God’s presence, first give thanks to God for all the many blessings received during the past year. Pass through each month, remembering the blessings that occurred.
Pray for the grace to understand God’s divine providence.
Next, review each month again and take notice of any feelings or movements that occur in your heart while doing this activity. Whatever you may feel (whether it was a good feeling or bad feeling), ask God to help you understand why an event happened.
Fourth, ask pardon for any sins you committed, trusting fully in God’s mercy.
Last of all look forward to the New Year think of ways that you can collaborate more with God’s loving plan for your life. (Article written by Philip Kosloski from Aleteia.org)
Where do I even begin with 2022?
My whole December was a blur.
I’m writing this now a few hours before we beckon the new year. I can hear fireworks and firecrackers from faraway; I hope neighbors won’t be using fireworks, because they might scare our cats and other pets.
Earlier, I’ve been thinking about how my 2022 went and what I would write here in my Examen.
Let’s begin with giving thanks.
Thanksgiving
There is so much to be thankful for… Every time I thought that I was at the end of my rope, God and the people who pull me in are there. I found a book on overthinking, and it helped me know more about the cognitive process and how worrying doesn't help; music kept me afloat; and seeing and playing with our cats instantly take away my bad mood.
Family and friends are always constants. I deepened my relationship more with them and met new friends, too, online and in real life. I’m so glad I stayed for these moments. I’m thankful too that this December, I got to spend two weeks with my cousins Kuya Aba and Igo! I’ll be writing more about our adventures soon!
We said goodbye to my Nanay, my Dad’s mom… And to Tito Manny, just a year after Tita Miles, his wife, had died. I have no words but just emptiness because of the absence they left here on earth.
I’m thankful for the cats too who went into our lives. It is sad that some of them had to go.
For those who also bought and liked my art, stories, and books, thank you. Art is a saving grace for me, and you continuing to support me through it helps me to keep going. For those I got to work this year (and next year!) like MAGIS Creative Spaces and AHA! Stories (such a dream to work with them because I align with what they do!), Ms Eunice Briones for her children’s book Helen, 8letters for book covers, Fay Sebastian, #RomanceClass, and Komiket for Egg Soup Sunday on their Kilig Comics Anthology, Kate and Kuya Jk inviting me to make a video for their wedding, Kimi of Circe Candle, Hinhin for illustrations for their book capsule reviews on Trove, for friends and kind people who commissioned me to create portraits and to work on special projects I can’t share about yet, thank you for your trust and the opportunity to create with you. I’m always ready to learn and serve! Maraming salamat.
Understanding God’s Providence
Working freelance isn’t an easy road. There were times when I thought that my dreams of working full-time as a writer and illustrator were far-fetched. I’ve felt anxious in many instances. But God always provided the opportunities and led me to meet new people and for old clients to work with me, still!
There are still events this year that I want to write about that I’m surely forgetting, but always and forever, God has been there ready to nudge me forward whenever I’m close to giving up.
Feelings throughout the Year
I’ve felt a range of emotions this year like happiness, sadness, thankfulness, grief, helplessness, fear, disappointment, anxiety, hopefulness, and emptiness. I try to remind myself what my therapist had taught me in 2021: We are not our feelings. Feelings come and go. I am learning to anchor myself to my identity as a child of God rather than what my innermost thoughts and feelings are towards myself and my failures and insecurities.
Pardon for Sins
There were times when I could have been more patient and less angry. There were times when I could have been more mature and handled things well. There were times when I shouldn’t have been hasty to judge. There were times when I could have responded more kindly.
Welcoming 2023
Earlier this week, I told my parents that I think that 2023 would be a happy one. But of course, our years and our lives will always be a mix, never a fixed assortment of just joys and rainbows.
For now, I welcome 2023 with hope and thankfulness, prayers for wisdom, kindness, and patience, and the maturity and strength to handle whatever that may come our way.
Happy New Year, dear friends. Thank you for being with me this 2022. 💛